What's Happening To My Body?|
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|Tuesday, February 24th, 2009|
|HOO-AH they talking to?!
A coworker keeps saying "incentive awards" in a phone conversation, and I keep hearing "scent of a woman". Current Mood: confused
|Friday, February 13th, 2009|
Happy Friday! Current Mood: mischievous
|Tuesday, February 10th, 2009|
|Monday, February 9th, 2009|
|Thursday, December 4th, 2008|
Hi! Current Mood: awake
|Thursday, September 25th, 2008|
|Saturday, August 9th, 2008|
|Thursday, July 31st, 2008|
|Wednesday, July 30th, 2008|
|Friday, July 18th, 2008|
|The Dark Knight: 4 out of 5 asterices
it I felt like I was going to get slapped when The Dark Knight
ended an hour ago and I wasn't as ecstatic as my friends -- not to mention everyone else within earshot of me -- about how good it was. It was very good, but isn't it okay that I can have some negative criticisms about it? I am not an animal!
So this review is addressed directly to my friends (they know who they are). I thought about it for ten more minutes after it was over, and my initial assessment that it's not the masterpiece that many (MANY) have deemed it still stands, but my appreciation of it widened when I realized that I was looking for one overriding force of a story within the movie, but there wasn't one. This may be the first totally character-driven superhero movie. In fact, for an action blockbuster, many of the chase and fight scenes seemed almost unnecessary. The obvious need for visceral action in a big summer movie distracted me a lot of the time from the interactions among Bruce Wayne/Batman, James Gordon, and Harvey Dent, and their uses of very fragile moral codes against the criminal underworld of Gotham. Anyway, I'm not going to get too far into details now, especially since I'm seeing it again on Sunday to solidify how I feel about it (and to see the disappearing pencil trick again). I just had to get something down to set the stupid record straight.
P.S. I almost posted this without mentioning what was easily the best part...Heath Ledger had complete control of the character of The Joker, to the point that not once during the movie did I think about how sad it was that Ledger died (which, honestly, I would have thought myself prone to do)...I was just scared of that fucked-up psycho on the screen. I was worried that much of the praise that had been posthumously heaped upon him might have been in some small way sympathy-voting, but seriously: he pwns this movie. WARNING WARNING MAY BE SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS ACHTUNG AQUALUNG Current Mood: awake
|Tuesday, July 15th, 2008|
|He really seriously said this at the press conference
"I'm old and I'm not happy. Everything today is improved and I don't like it. I hate it! In my day we didn't have hair dryers. If you wanted to blow dry your hair you stood outside during a hurricane. Your hair was dry but you had a sharp piece of wood driven clear through your skull and that's the way it was and you liked it! You loved it. Whoopee, I'm a human head-kabob. We didn't have minoxidil and hair weaves, in my day if your hair started falling out when you were 16 by 19 you were a bald freak. There was nothing you could do about it. Children would spit at you and nobody would mate with you so you couldn't pass on your disgusting baldness genes. You were a public menace, a chrome-dome by age 20 and that's the way it was and we liked it! We loved it. Hallelujah look at me, I'm a bald freak, oh happy day! Not like today, everybody feeling good about themselves. I hate it! In my day we didn't have these thin latex condoms. So you could enjoy sexual pleasure. In my day there was only one kind of condom. You took a rabbit skin and wrapped around your privates and tied it off with a bungee cord and you couldn't feel nothing! And half the time you didn't even know your partner was there. And we used the same one over and over again! 'Cause we were ignorant morons! Just a bunch of hairless, head-kabobs standing around with rabbit skins on our dinks and that's the way we liked it!" Current Mood: rushed
|Monday, July 14th, 2008|
|Tuesday, July 8th, 2008|
|Monday, July 7th, 2008|
|RIP Natasha Shneider
I used to know her as the cute-in-a-Russian-sort-of-way youngest crewmember with no lines in Peter Hyams' 2010
, then I was blown away when I learned that the same girl was that new keyboard player for Queens of the Stone Age. Now, I've just learned that she died of cancer last week
. It's odd, it was like, "I wonder if Natasha Shneider is still playing with Queens of the Stone Age...[type type type]...Whoah, she passed away?! When was this?...[type type type]...Last week?!!
" Sadness. Current Mood: melancholy
|Thursday, July 3rd, 2008|
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Maybe interview me."
2. I might respond by asking you 5 questions of a personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions, if you're up for it.
4. You shouldn't include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you needn't ask them 5 questions.
1. What is this
is an attitude. It's a state of mind...It is, itself, like another character in the movie. It's like jazz hands, only sparklier. The Russians tried to steal the secret of this
in the mid-50s, but they gave up when they caught it banging their wife and bringing her more pleasure than they ever had, times 10. This
grinds its own coffee beans in the morning.
2. Why don't you just move to New York, already?
Full disclosure: I'm not comfortable in New York. I never have been, and I don't think I ever will be. I've made strides toward enjoying myself as much as I can when I'm there to visit, but I figure why subject myself to that on a more permanent basis? I'm a country mouse at heart. I won't ever move into DC either.
3. If all your DVDs and CDs were stolen, what would be the first things that you replace?Jaws
, London Calling
, How To Keep Your CDs and DVDs Safe From Thieves: A Tutorial
4. Did you ever read the Vampire Chronicles? I'm embarrassed to.
They look like the kinds of books that would make be beg for illiteracy. Just kidding, I just came up with that line based on this question and I wanted to use it. I haven't read them, but as the World's Biggest Aaliyah Fan, I probably should, right?
5. Be honest about Bruce Vilanch, for once.
Full disclosure: I kind of think he might be my real father. This is why I never talk about how it makes me feel whenever I watch Get Bruce!
or the Oscars. See, back in the late 70s when my mom was blind, deaf, and without a decent sense of humor or gaydar, she slept with a myriad of c-list celebrities, most of whom (and I quote her) "Couldn't get a goddamn Mormon pregnant." But there was one guy...All she said was that the whole experience smelled like Cheetos, and that whoever he was she was sure that he could make middle America chuckle, then casually change the channel. Okay look, that's the last I'll talk about that. Ever. Current Mood: nostalgic
|Wednesday, June 25th, 2008|
|"Giant flyin' lizards...It seemed so plausible!"
First of all, let me point out that I'm generally kind of depressed right now. Some kind of pall fell over me starting yesterday afternoon, and it hasn't really lifted much since then. I pretty much know what it's about, but I don't feel like getting into it here, so screw it.
On to more important matters: I did watch Q: The Winged Serpent
between last night and the night before, but instead of moving on to the Rs from here, I'm going to use it to launch into a Larry Cohen kick...I'll surely have plenty more posts soon enough about LC, the king of smart weirdsploitation.
...It was not my favorite of the classic-era (roughly the mid-70s through the mid-80s) Cohen, but it did have Michael Moriarty playing Michael Moriarty, which is always a treat. No professional actor ever has seemed to take greater pleasure in appearing in crap movies than Michael Moriarty. Anyway, so, the movie is about an Aztec god in the form of a giant flying lizard that lives at the top of the Chrysler Building and eats people on roofs in New York City. But really it's about Moriarty finding out that the thing lives up there, then tricking the mobsters who are trying to kill him into climbing to the top of the Chrysler Building so Q can eat their heads. It sounds completely insane, but with the exception of some terrible special effects scenes of Q flying over the city and swooping down to eat someone, it's actually almost like if Ray Harryhausen had written an episode of Law & Order
...See, the bulk of the plot concerns David Carradine's police detective character trying to convince Moriarty's twitchy lowlife to tell them where Q lives so they can go kill it. All of which makes it more interesting than a TV Guide blurb would make it seem...But still, if there was any of Cohen's typical social commentary in there, I must have missed it. Current Mood: crappy
|Friday, June 20th, 2008|
|Welcome to Slasher College, Population: dwindling
Pieces! Current Mood: blank
SEE! Co-eds stalked by a masked, gloved maniac! HEAR! The buzzing of a chainsaw as victims are cut limb from limb! FEEL! Nausea.
Campus-stalkers are not generally my horror cup of tea, and Pieces was no exception...But I got it for $5. The wriggling gorehound in me loved certain scenes, and it was remarkably MST3K-able (just ask Rob and me, and Forest for about 5 minutes). It's about a mystery killer who, as a child, murdered his mom with an ax and cut her into pieces (OOOOhhh!) with a handsaw after she caught him doing a jigsaw puzzle of a nudie lady and flipped out (a flashback of which opens the movie...I was thinking, "Hmm, could this be The Pit, Part II?"). Then we're in the present -- if by "present" we're talking 198goddamn3 -- and someone is sawing up the Gorgeous Ladies of Some College Somewhere (henceforth known as GLOSCS). Is it the dean? The homosexual professor? The clearly innocent heroic student? His asshole buddy? (Hint: it's the dean.) Whoever it is, he's got the GLOSCS running scared...Running all the way to the pool, dance class, and a locker room where they can be all alone and stalkable, and thus get cut the fuck up. See, the killer is collecting pieces (OOOOhhh!) of women to make his own human jigsaw puzzle lady, for to get his sick, twisted jollies.
Every now and then in a movie like this, they do one thing really, really right...And at the end of Pieces, there was one super-duper jump-scare that really got me. Then, damn it, they spoiled it by having one more jump-scare about 20 seconds later that was really lame. Then they rolled the credits, which was more delightful than scary because that meant I could go to sleep.
Okay, now that I've spent an entire work week watching rando horror movies with one word titles that begin with the letter P, I really think it's time to move on. I mean, Jesus, enough is enough, right?! So toward that end, I have Q: The Winged Serpent coming from Netflix on Monday. God Bless America.
|Thursday, June 19th, 2008|
|Bwok bwok, pumpkin pumpkin...Bwok bwok, Pumpkinhead
Last night: Pumpkinhead
. Eh, it wasn't terrible, and therefore it's not really worth writing about. But this time it was a coincidence that I happened to have another one-P-word-titled horror movie to watch...I'd put Pumpkinhead
in my Netflix queue the other day because a) It was Stan Winston's debut as a director, and b) I'd never seen it. Oh, and Stan Winston passed away the other day, that's the other crucial bit of information. There some good atmospheric scenes of the big rubber monster scaring people in the woods, and otherwise the only interesting thing about it is that the guy who played young Clark Kent in Superman: The Movie
was in it, in a major role. So that was kinda weird.
This was a boring post. I'm sort of busy at work this morning, but I wanted to keep up the trend of writing about the shit I injected into my mind the night before (aka the latest quick-fix media hit from the Blockbuster syringe). Current Mood: listless
|Wednesday, June 18th, 2008|
|This will continue every day until my demands are met
Last night I watched [The] Pit. I don't want to say too much about it here, so all I'll do is recommend that you run (don't walk) to find as many copies of it as you can, in any format, and buy each one. We need to send Hollywood the message that we will not stand by and let new movies like The Pit not be made. Thank you, and goodnight.
P.S. OKAY, damn it, I can't not talk about the content of this movie. It's about this kid...The IMDb summary calls him austistic, but I think it would be incredibly unfair to actual autistic people to consider him that...He's more like just an irritating, anti-social little fuck-up. I'm a doctor, and that's my second-opinion diagnosis. Anyway, this is the last kid on Earth that you'd want to find a big sinkhole in the woods with some cannibalistic troglodytes living in it, but guess what happens? So one-by-one he tricks his enemies into walking out there with him, and in they go. Three happy cave monsters (with people-filled bellies) in a pit.
But that's just the skeleton of the story...They really tried to make it a compelling character study about this little prick. That's how it looked on paper; now, here's what they actually accomplished at the end of the day: The kid is a sex perv. That's it. Here's an example of just how likable the lead character in this movie is: He lusts after the local librarian, who happens to live just up the street from him, so he records himself saying that he's kidnapped her niece and will only let her go if the librarian takes her top off. He calls her, plays the tape over the phone, and runs across the street with his Polaroid to peep in her window and get some pictures. And it totally works, too...I mean, what kind of responsible exploitation filmmaker would set something like that up without letting us see some boobs? (By the way, when the movie was first coming out my parents sued for them to shorten the title from the original The Pit: The Taylor Dahl Story.)
This movie is in the same "must have been conceived of and produced under the influence of some kind of unknown drug from outer space" league as The Carrier, Devil Times Five, The Baby, etc. Which means, of course, that I liked it. I should write a book.
P.P.S. I went with the Teen Wolf icon because I just saw that the girl who plays the kid's babysitter played the voice of Boof on the animated Teen Wolf show. In case any of you were wondering. And I know you were. Let me just say "Boof" again: Booooof. Current Mood: calm
|Tuesday, June 17th, 2008|
|This squirrel keeps visiting us and begging for walnuts
So, naturally, we oblige him.
In other news, I continued my trend of watching little-known horror movies with one-word titles beginning with "P" last night. This time it was Paranoiac
, an old Hammer thriller with Oliver Reed as himself (i.e., he played a drunk who loved talking about getting drunk and being drunk). And Janette "Rhymes with 'Hot'" Scott as his desperately delusional sister (just they way I like them...Desperate, delusional, and, um...Oliver Reed's sister...?). It's basically a familial mystery melodrama thing, with one actual fairly big scare in it -- advice: when you hear someone playing a pipe organ in the middle of the night somewhere in your secluded mansion in the country, don't seek out the source. Just leave it.
In conclusion: there were no squirrels in the movie, so 0.0 stars. It's too bad too, because otherwise it's one of my favorite moody little minor thrillers from the '60s...Just, squirrels next time, okay fellas? Current Mood: quixotic